Today is the start of a new direction for my site as I begin to include a little more personal blogging. And this post is the beginning of a series I’m going to call “Adulting is hard”.
Now before I get too far into this, I’m in no way in the worst possible position in the world. I’m not being persecuted, I’m not battling a crippling disease, and I’m not homeless. And I am both thankful of that and feeling guilty that I feel so crappy when there are plenty of people worse off than me.
But that’s the point of these posts.
The idea is to share my experiences of life, from someone who’s not exactly achieved a lot in his career, who has issues with confidence and the stresses of modern life. I want to show people that it’s ok to find things overwhelming, that there are others feeling the strain and feeling like they’re not coping with life.
In this first post I focus on a little bad luck, health and finding time in a busy schedule.
“I know life sometimes can get tough
And I know life sometimes can be a drag”
– Kiss (God Gave Rock & Roll To You)
We’ve all been there, a period of days/weeks where everything seems to go against you, where disaster comes after disaster; life seemingly out to get you. Or maybe the monotonous struggle of daily life just starts to really wear you down. I’ve been living through one of those periods this past week or so, and I’ve just about had enough of it.
Those of you who follow me on social media will be aware that we’ve had a little car trouble lately. A week ago on Wednesday I broke down on the way to work and the car’s been in the garage ever since. That’s led to me getting the bus and train to work, extending my day beyond the 12 hour mark in the process. That extra time out of the house has had a real knock-on effect.
I suffer with Sleep Apnoea, a condition that causes me to stop breathing in my sleep and therefore leaving me unrested and sleepy during the day. I’ve been using a CPAP machine since last April and while this has improved matters I still find myself tired during the day. In fact so tired had I been at work this year I went back to get my condition checked, got a new CPAP mask and told that if my symptoms persist then there’s something else wrong too.
I continued to get tired at work, so tired I could feel my eyes getting heavy throughout the day. Plus headaches and real troubles focussing on my monitor. So I went and got my eyes tested, just in case there was an issue there that was making things worse. Turns out that was the right thing to do, as now I’m wearing glasses for reading, computer work, driving and whenever my eyes feel tired.
Despite this I’m still tired, and my eye has been twitching for weeks, and I know the doctor would suggest one other change before doing any more tests… be more active. But when? How? At the moment it’s just not possible.
My alarm goes off at 6am, I get up almost right away, shower & shave, dress, make lunch and head out the door just before 7am for a 5 minute walk to the bus stop. Bus to Southampton Central, buy a train ticket and get the train to Chichester. I get there around 8:30am, getting the work taxi service that leaves soon after, arriving at the office with just enough time to put some hot water in my porridge pot to take to my desk where I’ll eat it while I begin work.
Lunch is an hour, but all I do other than eat is sit in the canteen and read, talk to colleagues or sit and type some more of this blog. There is a gym on the premises, but I’m not yet authorised to access it and if I was the 30 minutes after I’ve eaten really isn’t enough to do anything worthwhile.
Work is done at 5:30pm, bus back to train station, train back in Southampton and then walk home to at least get a little exercise. I get in about 7:45pm. Start making dinner, eat dinner while catching up with my wife, then out to clean/feed the rabbits, sit down for a few minutes relaxation (maybe a half hour comedy episode if I’m lucky) and then bed at about 10-10:30pm.
All this while paying a little under £20 a day just to get to work, and however much the car will be to actually fix, has left me with no energy, no time and no money (although yesterday was pay day, thankfully).
Kitty, my wonderful wife, is in a similar boat. She leaves not long after I do in the morning and gets home about an hour or so before me. She’ll watch an episode of Neighbours to unwind, see the bunnies and/or do some housework before I get in. But between the two of us there’s not really time to fully clean the house during the week, or to make a start on dismantling the decking in the garden like we want to. And, thanks to the car, there’s no longer the money to kick on with the redecorating of the front room.
The housework can’t be done in the week, so it has to be done at the weekend. But who wants to spend their days off just doing housework? There are some things we just have to do, like washing up, laundry, and food shopping. But we’d rather see our friends and our families, which we don’t have time to do during the week. Or maybe go to the cinema, or watch football, or have a more time consuming dinner… you know, living life. Oh and catching up on sleep.
How the hell do you manage with the daily grind? Are you in a similar boat or do you have a solution you think could help my situation? I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you survive life.
“But people, we have been given a gift,
we have been given a road
And that road’s name is… Rock and Roll!”
– Kiss (God Gave Rock & Roll To You)